One of THOSE Posts…
Yeah. This is gonna be one of those posts.
The kind where it’s not all cheerful and bubbly, clever and interesting.
This is the kind that probably makes you, the reader, go…”OH”. And not smile, like I really WANT to make you do. You know I like to give you that. But not this time. So…”sorry” in advance. To my 3 readers.
But lately I have nothing really to say. I can kinda fake it in real life, as I am going throughout the day, because I would hate to offend or hurt someone. But my Facebook and Twitter are pretty neglected, and as you can see, I haven’t touched this thing in quite a while.
Because everytime I start to post something, all that comes out is that the day sucked. Or was exhausting. Or that I’m so stressed out that I can’t see straight. Or that my new job is so overwhelming that I can hardly breathe.
And that I miss the time I used to spend with my children and husband so much it hurts. I see Wayne in passing. And my kids- a couple hours at night. I know I’m not the only one. But this is my blog, so I’m just speaking for me.
And that even though I know I CAN be good at anything I try, I know that I’m not really that good at anything. I’ve lost serious amounts of confidence. If I am really called and made and talented enough to do something specific, why am I not doing it?
I’ve gained weight. I need to get my hair done so that at least that one thing that makes me feel pretty can be right…but I have no time to get it done. I know if I lost weight, I’d feel better about myself but everytime I look in the mirror, I see an ugly, depressed and tired person.
I’m STILL reminded, after 10 years, that I got a divorce …a scandalous divorce even, and that some people still haven’t forgiven me from that “unpardonable” sin. And that somehow I was the sole cause of such a heinous crime. I get pretty sick of that. I know I did some bad things and made some bad decisions. But I know I’m forgiven for my part of it all. I’ve spent years seeking the Lord and His heart, and carefully building my reputation back up brick by brick with realness, and truth. I haven’t written my “wholeness and healing” blog post yet because it aches so much when I pull all that out, it’s like surgery with no anesthesia. I’m ok, though. I know that I have the right to feel joy again. I just wish there was a little more grace from a certain, and yes I admit few, people. It’s been 10 freaking years.
That’s where I am, in a nutshell. I’m hoping this dark time I’m in will hurry up and get past me because I don’t even feel like myself. I miss being fun and bubbly. I’m feeling surprised at how loving my husband is to me. Like I don’t really deserve it.
So yeah, this isn’t a fun post to read. But it’s me. It’s honest. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather hear honesty than fluff from my friends. No fluff here today.
How We Came to Daybreak ~ a P.K.’s Perspective
It was 1987, we were living in a modest parsonage in a little town called Folsom, CA
My dad was pastoring First Baptist Church
At that time, the only interesting place to see in Folsom was Sutter Street, where there were lots of little cute stores and a Spoons restaurant
But to do any major shopping or entertainment, we’d go to Sacramento. I was in 8th grade at Folsom Jr. High, was a bit awkward, and liked everything from Def Leppard to DeBarge; Steve Perry to Sandi Patti. I was not in the best crowd, but didn’t want to get into trouble like my friends were. In fact, I was praying for God to open up a door for me to get out of the circle of “friends” I was in.
This is me in Jr. High
One day Dad told us that he was talking to a church in Bakersfield and a couple other churches…somewhere else- Idaho? Washington? I don’t know, doesn’t matter. Now, “talking” to other churches meant that these churches had contacted him with interest in him as a Pastor. I knew instantly that I wanted to go back to Bakersfield, my home town, where I was born, and lived when Dad first surrendered to the ministry. The place we had to leave in the middle of my 2nd grade year to move to Riverside so he could attend CBC and I could live in a closet (more about that in another post!). I was SO excited at the possibilities!!
When we got to the point where it looked like the Bakersfield church would ask him to come in view of a call, I started writing about it. I’ve always been one to journal, always had a diary, never wanted to look back and wonder what my feelings were, so I’d write them down for future reading. Here are a few of my journal entries from that time in my life. Word for word, so don’t be surprised if I sound like I’m in 8th grade. 
Besides, I was writing this for me, not for a school assignment, so it was rather sloppy and stream-of-consciousness. Oh, and yes, one or two of the names will be changed, to protect the innocent.
Rain
There are times when you may feel there is no way…
When you feel like you can’t breathe…
When you don’t know how you got here, but it seems too late to return…
When you hurt and can’t remember not hurting…
When you have lived your life to its fullest, and you are tired…
When you wish you knew what it felt like to be a child…
Don’t forget…sometimes you need to play in the rain.
How Can I Pray For You?
These last few weeks have been hard, on many levels.
Financial, marital, relational;
worry, frustration, pain.
I’ve been here before, and when I find myself in this place I cry out to God, and this time, He said…
I know your need. But right now, I want you to serve others.
I asked people on Facebook to tell me how I could pray for them, and in perfect Jesus-fashion, He began to re-direct my focus off myself, and onto the needs of others.
Don’t you know you’re not alone when you hurt? That others hurt, too.
Don’t you know that you are the apple of your Father’s eye? That He takes such delight in you that He rejoices with singing over you?
So as the prayer requests came in, I began to pray for these friends, coworkers, family members, acquaintances. I could feel my faith strengthen, my desire to minister to others take over, and my own problems slip from my hands… into His.
With God, all things are possible.
Prayer is such an amazing gift. We know that there is power in prayer, but I know I don’t go to Him in quiet, intimate conversation even close to enough.
So, let me share in the joy of loving and ministering to you, as well as allowing ourselves to cast our cares upon Him. Tell me…
How Can I Pray For You?
The N.E.O. (No Eating Out) Experiment
We live a very fast-paced, cram-packed life, as a family. At any given time, we may have 4 different places to take the kids, and rehearsals or work, or appointments or meetings to race to, and eating out often is just a regular part of our lives.
But now, we’ve got a new Thomas Family Challenge.
Due to the massive amounts of eating out we do, and the multitude of hundreds that go every month to restaurants, fast food joints, Starbucks, ice cream shops, etc….we decided to take the challenge, and declare April “No Eating Out Month”. No burgers, no coffees, no ordering pizza, no going out to eat on Friday nights and Sunday afternoons, no walking to our favorite breakfast place and getting bagels and smoothies on Saturday morning.
Nothing. For a whole month!
It has made a big difference so far. We are eating at home all the time. I’m forcing myself to take the time to make dinner. The kids are taking their lunches to school. We are packing snacks for Hannah when we go out.
Ok, I should add, we’ve agreed on a few exceptions. Wayne had a Men’s Ministry get together last week at Starbucks, and he bought a plain coffee. Last night, he was leaving for work (to work 12 hours, graveyard) and had to stop for something at Sonic because he was running too late to make something. At the end of the month, I’ll be leading worship for a weekend Women’s Retreat, and we will have to eat on the road. I might take my food if I’m feeling really ambitious. But other than that, we are Not Eating Out. We even took an ice chest of food to go pick up our son from LAX, and I made sandwiches in the passenger’s seat. Different.
We are expecting this to significantly increase our grocery bill each week, naturally. But we figure, it’s much cheaper to feed our family of 6 by buying ingredients to make dinner, rather than eating out so much. We’re doing the N.E.O. Experiment to see how much we save.
What will happen after April? Will we go back to our eating out all the time habits? Will we eat out much less? Will we be so convinced that we’ll continue the new lifestyle? Whatever we do, I’m hoping it’s worth it…I’m missing my White Chocolate Mochas…
Has your family ever done this, or any other team effort for the good of the whole family?
Sunday Setlist – Easter 2010 – He’s Risen, Hallelujah!
Easter Sunday was incredible! Here’s how it went:
The morning started off with our choir, led by Jerry Hampton, singing an energetic song of celebration- He’s Risen, Hallelujah!
Then, we dropped the lights and started this video from Worship House Media. The church applauded when it was over! What a great group of people, so enthusiastic and thankful for their salvation!!
My Savior Lives (New Life Worship- click here for youtube video) - this was great, and was new to our church. High energy, and lots of fun, with perfect, Eastery lyrics!! Wayne led this one, and sang the Ross part like nobody’s business!! 
On the bridge (“my Savior lives” 4x), he sang the first line alone, then all unison on the second, then we added alto part in for the third, then on the last line, I added a higher harmony for some 3-part goodness! Then strong into the chorus again, drums only, then all band for the last time through. Great song; looking forward to doing it again this next Sunday for pre-service.
Greeting
Scripture/Prayer
Choir Song- You Thought Of Us (Kyle Matthews) What a beautiful song about the love of Jesus. This was really touching, to the church, as well as those who sang and played it.
Ok, here’s where it got GOOD. Read more…
A Letter of Love to My Firstborn…
Today, you are 14. A beautiful girl, fighting all of today’s teen struggles; bombarded with temptation and trial, yet strong in your character and relationship with Christ. I’m so proud of you.
I remember the day you were born. There were so many people there to welcome you! They waited outside the doors, ears pressed and cameras in hand.
…4 weeks premature, with complications and wires and breathing tubes and IVs, they didn’t let me hold you. I was devastated. This is how I saw and touched you for the first few days.
Sunday Setlist 3.28.10
This morning’s service at DBC included The Lord’s Supper, lots of great music and a wonderful message on intimacy with God.
Here’s how it went:
Pre-service music:
Trading My Sorrows (D. Evans)
One Way (Hillsong)
Worship Service:
Today is the Day (L. Brewster)
You, You Are God (Gateway)
Greeting/Prayer
How Great Thou Art (upbeat Baloche version- good stuff!)
Made Me Glad (Hillsong) (my favorite worship song)
Message
Invitation – Wayne and I sang Grace Flows Down, with piano only
Lord’s Supper- as they passed out the elements we did a medley of these hymns:
Nothing But the Blood of Jesus
Down At the Cross
The Old Rugged Cross
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
then we ended with
Hallelujah Praise the Lamb
Offertory music was Alabaster Box sung by Sarah Richards. Let me just say…the words to that song are A. MAZ. ING. Listen to the 2nd verse and you’ll hear my story summed up all nice and neat. Read more…
…and He tells me I am His own
And He walks with me, and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share, as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.
How do you know when God is speaking to you? Or speaking through you?
Wayne and I are right now having a discussion of the many times when God has spoken to us through each other, and other times when He’s spoken directly to each of us.
First of all…how totally amazing that God, the One who created the galaxies; the One who scattered stars in the sky, the One who knows how many grains of sand He poured onto the shores…actually desires intimacy with me and draws me near to Him.
He chooses to walk with me and talk with me! Read more…
Some Time Away
It’s been a long time since I’ve pulled this blog out and written anything on it.
Too long.
Many reasons.
But glad to be back.
This weekend, Wayne and I had the opportunity to go to the Church Music Worship in Riverside, CA. It was a great chance to get away, just the two of us, gain some knowledge and training at the workshop, and meet some new friends. On Friday, our plan was to leave at noon. Isn’t it funny how often our plans are changed for us? My 12 year old woke up very sick, and we took her to the doctor, to find that she had Strep B. My poor girl was fevery, sore, throat on fire, weak, just needing sleep and TLC.
And I was about to leave town. UGH.
We left her in the loving and able hands of my mom and left for Riverside. We had planned to meet a friend, Sarah Markley on our way down. We were 2 hours behind, and slammed with L.A. traffic. She was so patient and gracious as she waited for our arrival to her favorite Starbucks, and what a perfect place it was! Wayne and I instantly fell in love with her, and I feel so blessed to call her “friend”. 
Read more…
