Sacrifice of Praise
I’m gonna level with you.
Lately I’ve been…depressed, stressed, feeling unworthy, unloved, untalented, forgotten, and on and on. It’s been a really rough few months. I’ve been struggling with my new job. I’ve been feeling burned out in several areas of life. Trying to juggle a busy job, family, and volunteer/part time worship leading. I’ve been struggling with why I’m in ministry. I love it, but am I really any good at it? Just, a lot.
Today, we had a worship team rehearsal that normally happens on Wednesday, but this week we had to move it to Saturday. And I’m SO glad we did.
I started out the morning playing a new song for us to learn. Some liked it, others didn’t. Nobody’s shy about expressing their opinions. 
Then I spoke to the team about a couple things, trying to uplift, encourage, inspire…while they were looking at me with blank faces. Feelings of insecurity and inadequacy flooded me. I thought, “I can’t do this. They don’t have any faith in my ability, they think what I’m saying is irritating, not inspiring.” But, though it was uncomfortable, and there was a little negativity and resistance coming at me, I kept pushing through it. I mean, what am I gonna do? I had a job to do, and I still had…53 minutes left of rehearsal, so I figured I better just stay with it. If you are a worship leader, or any kind of leader, you know that sometimes when you meet, it’s just like that.
Tomorrow, we are doing a song that has touched millions…How He Loves, by John Mark McMillan. We love his original version, and we love the Crowder version, but decided to use the Jesus Culture version (more singable key, female-led, easier structure to follow, etc.). We rehearsed it, as well as another new (to us) song, and then went through our Sunday’s music, from the top. I could see hearts soften as we went through it, and in no time, that 53 minutes was up, and we were into our next hour.
Once we were done going through Sunday’s setlist, we spent a good bit of time on How He Loves- perfecting the guitar part, interlude riff, going over dynamics, vocal parts, and other details. Then we went through the song. And, we worshiped. And it was…wow.
I spoke to the team for about 3 or 4 minutes after that, and it was one of those moments when the Holy Spirit completely takes over and speaks through a person. I don’t know all of what I said. It wasn’t planned, it was brief, but it was passionate. And it wasn’t me.
When you stop and realize how much you are unconditionally loved; and how what you do in ministry is directly linked to eternity…it occurs to you what a privilege it is to do this. The sacrifice of time and effort is an honor.
Today’s rehearsal was the kind of rehearsal that makes it ALL worth it.
What has God done in you lately to change your focus, your view, your direction, and to give you a glimpse into eternity?
I thought today’s rehearsal ws great! I am moved every time I hear/sing “How He Loves” and today was no exception. I’m glad you pushed through the negativity. I can not wait for tomorrow!
It was an amazing morning. When you pushed through the negativity, you trusted the Lord with what he has put in your heart to convey to our team. Psalm 37:5 says, “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” You committed our rehearsal to Him by pushing through; by staying true to what you felt the Lord gave you, regardless of opposition. I know you like “The Message”, so check out the same verse in that translation… (and I’ll throw in the next verse, as well…good stuff)
“Open up before God, keep nothing back; he’ll do whatever needs to be done: He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon.”
Yeah, that pretty much says it all. Thank you for being led by the Spirit today, honey. God got all the glory.
I realize this is an older post but just wanted to thank you for writing it. I love your transparency…I think there are many of us out there who have felt/or feel the same way but not willing to admit it. Thanks for the encouragement.